Trauma sticks onto muscles like tar.
After so long of being clean
From anyone who could
Fill my lungs with that same smoke
Why is it I still feel the burns
In my throat
Down my spine
And in every inch of my body.
I am afraid to love.
Your lies beat bruises against my lungs,
They swallowed me whole
Till I too became a lie.
Truth was a foreign language
And I knew only the drugged and drunken
Daydreams we called home.
Abused and manipulated.
My scars were not visible,
Because you toyed with my mind
With hands so strong
And a tongue so sharp
That my nightmares sometimes remember Just how hard they tried to
Convince me that I was wrong.
I still hear whispers every now and again.
Over and over in my head I hear only
The voices of those who blamed me
Because I convinced myself
I was not worthy of forgiveness
For the knives you drew
I still mourn the bodies left
From a battle I did not start.
Including my own.
But I have found someone beautiful
In the ashes of my own fire.